FOR the last fifteen years or more, I have considered myself to be a conservative Republican. I have always been interested in politics for as long as I can remember. Back in first grade in 1992, I wore a button supporting George H.W. Bush for re-election. I remember my teacher asking me why I wouldn’t want someone else to be President. My response was: ‘Why would I? George Bush is pretty good.’ Look, I was six years old and I didn’t fully understand politics. But, what I did know then was that I agreed with more of what I saw about Republicans than Democrats. I found myself again being a young supporter of Bob Dole in 1996. Then in high school, I supported George W. Bush for election in 2000. The more I learned about economic issues, the subsequent concerns for national security in a post-9/11 world, and based on my feelings at the time on social issues, I felt more aligned with the Republican Party and wore that label proudly.

When I went to college in 2004, I joined the College Republicans on campus. I met some very great friends, a few of whom I keep in touch with today (not as regularly as I’d hope). But being away from home for the first time, I started to learn more about myself. I found myself diverging with the “party line” on social issues. Namely, the vitriol on same-sex marriage and abortion. I was more focused on economic and security policy and spending than I was concerned with social issues. I was also wrangling with personal identity and understanding who and how I love. But increasingly the GOP became mired in the minutia of society and the Christian right became an increasingly vocal influence on the party. I found myself torn. I supported some of what the party was saying, but became increasingly concerned with the tone and language. Don’t misunderstand me though, as a college student who was seeking a place in the group – I found myself repeating and towing the party line in public. In 2005, I even voted against my own self interest and supported the ban on same-sex marriage in the State of Texas. I stood in that voting booth for a long time thinking on my decision. I was voting against my personal life, but wanted to keep up with my political life. So I voted for the ban. I’ve regretted that decision ever since. It is the only vote that I truly regret, and am deeply sorry for. My one vote wouldn’t have made a remarkable difference in the state, but I regret it nonetheless. Thankfully, there were those stronger than me who fought to overturn the ban in the courts.

Once I was able to be more accepting of who I was on a personal level, I continued to find myself being at odds with my political party. But I kept going. Kept trying to find a place for myself within the group. I kept a lot of my misgivings with the party to myself. Wrangled with the thoughts alone, or with the few who were closest to me. But yet I continued to diverge. This year, it has all come to a head.

As for many in this country, the 2016 election cycle has been nothing short of concerning, and at times – downright frightening. I would be lying if I didn’t honestly say that I am scared of the outcome for the nation in this election. The rise of Donald Trump in the Republican primaries has been quite the spectacle. As several comedians have put it – its kind of like a bad reality television show that you assume will end at some point and be cancelled. But for some reason, it is still on the air. How could this be happening? How could a party that I once felt was grounded in such principle be nominating a man who has next to none?! Donald Trump didn’t win the nominations by speaking about specific policy agendas or ideas. Instead, he spoke in platitudes and sold himself to what has become the lowest common denominator. If Donald Trump purports to honestly speak for the Republican party, then there is a frightening rise of xenophobia, anti-LGBT sentiments, and ill-mannered temperament in the GOP.

It isn’t just Trump alone. It is other party leaders, including the new pick for Vice President Mike Pence. It’s governors and lieutenant governors, legislators, representatives, and senators across the country. Indiana, Georgia, and many other states have considered (even passed) what are billed as “religious protection laws” following the Supreme Court ruling on marriage a year ago. Now, many Republicans and conservatives are painting gays, lesbians, and transgenders as child molesters in bathrooms and trying to legislate where and which restroom people pee in. And it is all sold to the voting public as protecting liberties and the children. Never mind that a child molester is a criminal and doesn’t respect the law against child molestation regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. We have leaders saying that they want to try and find legislative ways to circumvent the Court’s ruling on marriage and deny AMERICAN CITIZENS their rights and equal protection of the law.

Party leaders also want to deny LGBT Americans protection from discrimination in the workplace, in housing, and in other areas. The party that I have supported for more than a decade, agrees that it is okay for an employer, a landlord, or another entity to discriminate against me on the basis of my sexual orientation. LGBT Americans are citizens, just like any other. All Americans – gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, white, black, hispanic, etc. – deserve protection from discrimination in any form. Ahead of the 2016 Republican National Convention this week, these, and other anti-LGBT sentiments have been entrenched into the Republican Party when the convention’s platform committee passed the most anti-LGBT Platform in the Party’s 162-year history. Opposition to marriage equality, nonsense about bathrooms, an endorsement of the debunked psychological practice of “pray the gay away” — it’s all in there. Including provisions regarding pornography.

The GOP continues to mire itself in the life of the individual. A party that purports to want the government out of our business, wants to put the government right into it when it comes to the bedroom, bathroom, or workplace. The GOP instead of being the party of fiscal responsibility, limited government, free markets, and peace through strength; has continued to attempt to legislate morality. The current version of the party, is not one that I can support. I may support some Republican candidates, and will consider myself a fiscal conservative, but if things don’t change (and quickly) within this party – I won’t be able to consider myself a Republican anymore. If this is the path that the Republican party and the conservative movement want to go down, I can no longer be a part of it. I no longer feel welcome in it. I won’t be leaving this party. This party, this movement, will be ABANDONING me.

More tomorrow on EVERYDAY BRAND.

-A